Assume the Worst by Carl Hiaasen

Assume the Worst

This is Oh, the Places You’ll Never Go–the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate’s future. And what he or she can or can’t do about it.“This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That’s not what you need. You need a warning.”So begins Carl Hiaasen’s attempt to prepare young men and women for their future....

Details Assume the Worst

TitleAssume the Worst
Release DateApr 10th, 2018
GenreNonfiction, Humor, Self Help, Adult, Writing, Essays

Reviews Assume the Worst

  • Sheri
    An easy and super short read with valuable advice. Many of today’s graduates are caught up in a fantasy world filled with positive promises and unrealistic expectations. But life is not all sunshine and rainbows. Hiaasen dispenses great advice for life in the real world. Hidden beneath the satire new graduates will find a nice message about doing your part towards changing the world for the better.
  • Steve
    I like Carl Hiaasen's fiction, but this is complete crap. Total money-grubbing and not even remotely humorous.
  • Ms. Yingling
    Public library copyOh, I don't know. If you can' be happy and optimistic when you graduate from high school or college, when can you be? Life wears us down quickly enough. While I agree with Hiaasen completely, I am old and bitter. I don't know that I would share this with a shiny, hopeful young person. Life will give them an atomic wedgie soon enough.
  • J
    Read this because I'm graduating college next week and saw it on the library shelf. It's literally nothing I haven't already felt, so I didn't get anything from this. Apparently I already assume the worst. The art was enjoyable. Can't help feeling like this book was written in response to a graduating child and the election of Donald Trump. He basically railed Trump as much as he could. I feel the same way as the author, but the whole book just c...
  • Mayda
    You might want to take this book with the proverbial grain of salt. There are a nuggets of good advice, interspersed with satirical humor, but other admonitions should probably be ignored. Contrary to the author’s advice, I think you should look for the good in people you meet, especially if you meet them on a daily basis. And if you are quick to judge people, you likely will be judging before all the evidence is provided. Still, it’s an ente...
  • Mac
    Hiaasen's writing is heavy handed and unpleasant; Chast's drawings are charming and enjoyable. What seemed like a dream team of author and artist is a mismatch of sledgehammer and butterfly. At least, the book is very, very short. Assume the worst? I should have.
  • Cheryl
    Carl Hiaasen shares his thoughts about commencement addresses in this short little book. His advice to commencement speakers is to do away with the cliches- - “lame platitudes”- - used in traditional speeches, and suggests that speakers impart realistic advice to graduates. With his often humorous examples, accompanied by Roz Chast’s illustrations, Mr. Hiaasen’s call for a truthful presentation about the challenges that await new grads an...
  • Lois R. Gross
    I certainly hope that novelist Carl Hiassen is wrong and he actually does get to give this commencement speech to a group of newly minted graduates because it's probably the only truth they will hear in 4 to 8 years. Unlike Dr. Seuss' "Oh, the Places You'll Go", this book does not promise a future of moon and stars. Instead, Hiassen shares some down to earth truths: you probably won't be a star, you likely will live a fairly normal life, and the ...
  • Sidney
    Hiassen is one of my favorite authors. This quick (and very snarky) advice to college grads is hilarious (and true)! Bought the book to give to son's fiancé next week for college graduation but had to read it first. I hope she follows his advice!
  • Linda Quinn
    This is a call to arms hidden in what looks like a snarky, bleak look at our world today. Hiaasen's writing, paired with Roz Chast's illustrations, was a quick and powerful read. I'll be purchasing this for my graduating senior!
  • Sean Farrell
    Typical graduation speeches are full of platitudes and seemingly sage advice, all designed to make the listener feel special. Author Carl Hiaasen thinks that might not be the best way to go, and instead offers up this witty but realistic look at what graduates should expect from life now that they’ll be sent out to live it. Since it takes the form of a speech, with clever illustrations from Roz Chast, this slim book can be read fairly quickly, ...
  • RH Walters
    "Society has been deeply divided before, but never has it been so insanely distracted." I like these two writers very much, and enjoyed this quick breakfast of Weltschmerz this morning. Although Hiaasen uses curse words, this is the rant of a crabby dad and will probably be best appreciated by other parents. We all have our own dumb lessons to learn, which is what makes youth exciting and parenthood excruciating.
  • FloeticFlo
    This. This audiobook for the win! It was only 15 minutes long, but it was a delightful 15 minutes. I literally laughed out loud while listening to it as a drove to my book club on Saturday. But then, Carl Hiaasen through in some utter truth. So it was funny, but it was also honest and realistic. He takes some popular modern sayings and dashes them with some #realtalk. Read the full review on Book Nerds Across America: http://www.booknerdsacrossam...
  • Rebecca
    Fun and irreverent, with black-and-white cartoon illustrations by Roz Chast (I especially liked "Oh, boy! GRUEL!!!" on p. 37).Favorite quotes:"Self-delusion is no virtue. Anyone who tells you the sky's the limit is blowing smoke up your ass. That's not to say you can't achieve something remarkable and enduring. But doing that will be impossible if you fail to grasp your own strengths and weaknesses. In other words, work with what you've got." "To...
  • Hari Brandl
    This short but powerful book so closely fits my own world view it is slightly scary.
  • Michael Rudzki
    Some good, practical advice, accompanied by the amazing illustrations of Roz Chast.
  • Luella Lee
    Pretty funny and some very wise words.
  • Kathryn Scott
    2018-04-18 the truth.The truth. Unvarnished. Ugly, and yet beautiful. Absurd and profound. Tear inducing and belly laugh causing. All at once. Read it. Absorb it. Live it.
  • Melissa
    If this is supposed to be humorous I didn't get the humor. Most of it is obvivous stuff but at least the author is honest and it's a nice book to share with graduates.
  • Carlton Phelps
    Short book that is full of great suggestions about being a productive citizen that also can spread a bit of cheer along the way.If you believe that all TV news channels are fake with the only true news source being Fox don't read this because it could do you a great amount of good by opening your mind and heart.If you think the world isn't getting hotter and all information about it is way off base, read this at your own pearill. Humor is the one...
  • Susan
    Carl Hiaasen applies his wit and cynicism to The Graduation Speech You'll Never Hear.Nuggets of advice:"Force yourself to experiment with kindness, even when the impulse eludes you.""The most successful and productive people recognize their own talent and find a way to uncork it. Of course, such keen self-awareness can cut both ways. Bruce Springsteen knew he'd be good at writing songs. Bernie Madoff, on the other hand, knew he'd be good at embez...
  • Trin
    My coworker really, really, really wanted me to read this -- but I think just because she thought it was funny, not for reasons I need to read into.It is in fact lightly amusing, and generally contains good advice, though hardly anything earth-shattering. My favorite aspect was the Roz Chast cartoons, unsurprisingly.
  • Holly Socolow
    Very clever lampooning of cliché graduation speeches, and with some grounded advice as well. Roz Chast is my favorite New Yorker cartoonist, and she hits the mark all the way through with laugh out loud images. A quick read.
  • John Everard Griffith
    A satirical speech with a positive message. Written with humour but also with a lot of encouragement to be a responsible adult in a world that need good leadership. It is a quick read. I love this kind of humour because it has a point beyond being entertaining.
  • Jeri Gabrielson
    The honest graduation speech without platitudes or much hope, frankly. This is a short book you can finish in a half hour but unlikely to forget.
  • Susan
    Cute! True and to the point. We've been doing it all wrong.
  • Barb Keltner
    A short, entertaining read with some truth in what he says. One of favorite lines was when he says in his day, there weren't such terms as "active shooter," "ISIS-inspired," and "viral cat video."
  • Robert Yokoyama
    I agree with many of the beliefs that Carl Hiassen writes about in this book. This book may seem negative to some people, but I think this is realistic advice not just people who are graduating, but for anyone. I will strive to be a quick judge of character when I meet someone. This will save me a lot of time trying to figure out if a person is sincere and honest. Another belief that Hiassen dispels is that a person can become anything they want ...
  • Elizabeth
    I didn’t really care for this. The book claims to be honest and realistic—and it’s true that the book isn’t exactly bursting with optimism—but the negativity is so overblown that it’s just as unhelpful and distorted as the sincere speeches it parodies. The humor didn’t appeal to me, but I can certainly see how others might enjoy it. It has the tone of a seasoned veteran giving some unpleasant advice to new recruits, but the book’s...
  • Hadi
    Takes about 15 mins to read and is charming, funny and honest. I hope he gets to give the speech often.