Fed Up by Gemma Hartley

Fed Up

From Gemma Hartley, the journalist who ignited a national conversation on emotional labor, comes Fed Up, a bold dive into the unpaid, invisible work women have shouldered for too long—and an impassioned vision for creating a better future for us all.Day in, day out, women anticipate and manage the needs of others. In relationships, we initiate the hard conversations. At home, we shoulder the mental load required to keep our households running. ...

Details Fed Up

TitleFed Up
Release DateNov 13th, 2018
GenreNonfiction, Feminism, Politics, Womens, Sociology

Reviews Fed Up

  • Jennifer
    "My husband does a lot. He helps me out with the housework, he takes care of our children if I will be out, he will do anything I ask him to. Personally, I think I'm pretty lucky." In response to praise such as this, author Gemma Hartley asks, “Does he do a lot compared to other men or does he do a lot compared to you?” Emotional labor is the invisible job handed down to women of every generation to make sure the days run smoothly, the househ...
  • Cristine Mermaid
    I was excited to read this book because the blog post that had led to this book being written resonated so strongly with me. I read it in a day and was not disappointed. It's not a long book but there is so much in here that matters that I'm going to take it chapter by chapter after my overview. Overall, it's about women doing the vast majority of the "emotional labor" "Invisible work" "mental labor", for the purposes of this book, we will call i...
  • Amanda
    I was expecting a more researched book given what a fascinating and dense topic this is. I understand why the author would've wanted to insert her personal experience at times, but she did so to such an extent that the end result felt closer to a memoir. Ultimately, 'Fed Up' left me with more questions than answers.
  • Alison Terpstra
    Man this book sucked. I was so ready as this is a very important topic within feminism but she quoted Sheryl Sandberg in the opening chapter and I rolled my eyes. Really? I just feel more research was needed into this - it was all very personal and poorly supported when there is great information about this topic out there! The conversations around REAL emotional labour are actually much more in depth than this book provided. She seems like a fir...
  • Maggie
    This is a thought-provoking book on the unseen emotional labor of women, how society has shaped both men and women's acceptance of this role, and what we can do about it. While well-researched it's also not a slog, and I read it in big gulps.
  • joni edelman
    Necessary. I’d like to see this be required feminist reading. Gemma tackles The hard stuff here with insight and intellect. Next step: CHANGE.
  • Gwendolyn B.
    I tip my Portland Trailblazers cap to Hartley for opening a much needed cultural conversation about an unjust but invisible division of labor between the sexes. Combining research and interviews with courageously personal self-disclosures about her own marriage, she walks us through the many facets of "emotional labor," which she defines as "the unpaid, invisible work we do to keep those around us comfortable and happy."It is at this point, howev...
  • Jennifer
    Worth listening to via audio. The narrator, Therese Plummer, did an amazing job and doesn't sound at all like she's reading nonfiction. They made a great choice. I liked that Hartley referenced another book I read this year called Drop the Ball by Tiffany Dufu. I thought this was great because it shows the author wasn't writing this in a vacuum and builds upon other works on this topic. Overall, a good intro to the topic of emotional labor if thi...
  • Jessica
    It's hard to overstate how valuable I found this book. It's as if Hartley has taken everything I've struggled to articulate about what goes on in my head on a daily basis and laid it all out, not just explaining what it feels like to carry the mental and emotional load in a marriage, but also figuring out how we got here and what we can do about it. It's an odd but welcome feeling to have the patterns of your own marital conversations spelled out...
  • Nikki
    Eh, it's okay. It's frustratingly heterosexual and focuses far more on the dynamics within a relationship between a man and a woman ( which makes sense given the scope I suppose...). However it does show an inadequate analysis of same sex couples and doesn't move beyond acknowledging that they/we also have difficulty dividing emotional labor- but supposedly find it easier than heterosexual couples due to the lack of gender roles. It fails to ackn...
  • Cari
    Hartley's in-depth analysis of emotional labor and its implications across Western society breaks ground in this discipline. Stemming from a Harper's Bazaar article – “Women Aren’t Nags, We’re Just Fed Up” – the book explores how emotional labor and its distribution affects everyone. Emotional labor is the work we do to help each other out as human beings: in the context of an American, privileged family, that’s usually Mom scheduli...
  • Morgan Henley
    Oof. Stretching an essay that went viral to an entire book was a bit too ambitious for this one. I felt half of the book was just repeating itself (we get it, dads/husbands don’t clean or take care of kids as much as women do, no need to spell out every example) and the anecdotes got repetitive and not very insightful. I barely got through the 250 pages of this one. The point she makes is very important and the mission was noble but I wish it h...
  • Alyssa Cardona
    Fed UP is the book every woman should definitely be reading come November 13th. Gemma Hartley takes up the stand and makes it known to women that they are not alone in this journey that is emotional labor. Gemma allows us to learn how day through day there exists a growing amount of stress given the work that every woman must put forward to be on top of everything and, i.e., kids, chores, home, school, working, cooking, listening, etc. the list i...
  • Carolyn Harris
    Fed Up is both a memoir of the author's marriage and a wider cultural analysis of how society views emotional labour. Hartley writes with warmth and optimism about the frustrations caused by the organizational activities that appear invisible but make individual homes and communities run smoothly such as planning meals, remembering birthday parties and organizing Christmas cards. In her own home, changing employment circumstances and better commu...
  • Ang
    This packs a punch. It's a really PERSONAL book, which was fascinating, because it's also a really universal book. It's also super practical towards the end; I think I have a better idea of how to broach the subject of emotional labor with my partner, which feels really refreshing. If Hartley's original essay was the distress call, this book is her follow-up, her answering rescue. I'm super glad I read it, and I really highly recommend it for het...
  • Krista Varela Posell
    A bit repetitive at times, but still an important book nonetheless. Brendan and I read this concurrently and it has given us a new language to talk about our relationship dynamic.
  • Reema Zaman
    With tremendous insight, candor, and warmth, Gemma Hartley deftly and confidently moves us through this complex conversation on women, emotional labor, and more. She gives us her all, and in doing so, we readers become better, humbler, stronger, and wiser. Countless women, as mothers, partners, and individuals, have struggled with feeling forgotten or lost in the midst of taking care of others. The gorgeous gift of Hartley's writing is it lets us...
  • Jessica M
    http://jessjustreads.comFed Up by Gemma Hartley is a feminist memoir and critical analysis around the concept of ‘emotional labour’. This is a truly fascinating read and I’m now going to thrust this book into the hands of every female friend.Gemma explores the imbalance in relationships regarding ‘emotional’ tasks. This is usually things that people, or partners, don’t ‘see’. This may be remembering to buy a gift for a family memb...
  • Jo-Ann Duff (Duffy The Writer)
    Fed Up. Why do women subconsciously take on the emotional labour of the home? Is it years of deep-seated patriarchy? Or do we chose to be in control?In 2017 Gemma Hartley wrote an article in Harper's Bazaar which quickly went viral. 'Women Aren't Nags - We're Just Fed Up' was all about emotional labour, which was a new term for me to hear. It's basically all the unpaid, unnoticed work completed by women to keep the home running smoothly and ever...
  • christine✨
    I was fortunate enough to receive an ARC of this book through my job, but this in no way affects my opinion of the book.Fed Up is a beautiful blend of feminist analysis mixed with Gemma Hartley’s personal experiences on the front lines of emotional labor. She defines emotional labor as “emotion management and life management combined” and it covers not just women in the home, but in the workplace as well. In a lot of ways, Fed Up is the pos...
  • Rebekah
    The message and overall tone of this book is spot on. The author weaves storytelling from her own life and the stories of others into each chapter, all centered around the idea that there is an invisible fabric of emotional labor that undergirds much of our world, and which has been largely assigned to women despite having essential value to all humans. Her righteous frustration is at times palpable, which was pleasing to me, as this is a sensati...
  • Macy Akins
    Women today around the globe have certain expectations that people view them as. People view them as a labor source for cleaning the kitchen and doing everything in the house. While men are just suppose to sit on the couch after work. In the book, Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward by Gemma Harley, the author explains everything about women culture and how it has changed over the years. Harley explains the expectations that women...
  • Caty Waterfield
    While I definitely agree with the central message of this book, I've now discovered how many ways there are to skin a cat.Hartley provides several examples of the major problem that plagues our society where gender roles are concerned, but the final message is always the same.It's as though each chapter is a different way to arrive at the solution of 4. One chapter is 2+2, another is 1+3, etc.Some chapters in this book come across as Hartley patt...
  • Beth
    Finally. Words to explain what a lot of us have known but been unable to articulate! Written in an engaging, personal style Hartley takes us through her experience of discovery and understanding of emotional labor while incorporating a literary review of other works and relevant statistical data. I was uncomfortable with the 'perfectionist' notion Hartley assumed was the standard of all modern women. Perhaps I need to examine why for myself. The ...
  • Andrea
    This book will make most women nod their heads. I know I did plenty of nodding. Hartley quotes a lot of women I've read and their books, including Joanne Lipman, Tiffany Dufu, Brigid Shulte. This is both good and bad bc I've already read those books, but I also really like them. Interestingly Hartley claims she can't go full Dufu in dropping the ball (and perhaps lowering or changing standards) but it seems like in the end she does. I do think th...
  • Andi
    Finally carved out the time to finish this amazing book! If I could, I would pass it out to every adult I know. It is wonderfully written, and unlike other books of its type, does not man-bash, but recognizes that the way things are now (culturally) is also cheating men of being fully invested in their lives. Men are just as capable as women of noticing a full garbage can or laundry basket, just as they can tell when the mouthwash is running low ...
  • North Landesman
    Glad Hartley wrote this book. First "feminist theory" book I have read. It helps me understand some of the issues and concerns facing women much better. The middle dragged, but the beginning and end were strong. Near the end Hartley stressed the importance of clear communication, not just complaining. She makes some insightful points here. I do question how perfectionism gets such a free pass here. A deeply, deeply, unpleasant read, but a useful ...
  • Jill
    Memoirish and circular. It focuses heavily on the emotional labor behind daily tasks, not the emotional labor that goes into communication and conflict resolution. There are other books on that I suppose, but I’d hoped to see some of it here. I’d still half-heartedly recommend the book - not for the writing but for the topic.