I'm Afraid of Men by Vivek Shraya

I'm Afraid of Men

"Emotional and painful but also layered with humour, I'm Afraid of Men will widen your lens on gender and challenge you to do better. This challenge is a necessary one—one we must all take up. It is a gift to dive into Vivek's heart and mind." —Rupi Kaur, bestselling author of The Sun and Her Flowers and Milk and Honey A trans artist explores how masculinity was imposed on her as a boy and continues to haunt her as a girl--and how we might re...

Details I'm Afraid of Men

TitleI'm Afraid of Men
Release DateAug 28th, 2018
PublisherPenguin Books Canada
GenreNonfiction, Autobiography, Memoir, Glbt, Queer, Lgbt, Writing, Essays

Reviews I'm Afraid of Men

  • Krista
    I'm afraid of men because it was men who taught me fear. I'm afraid of men because it was men who taught me to fear the word girl by turning it into a weapon they used to hurt me. I'm afraid of men because it was men who taught me to hate and eventually destroy my femininity. I'm afraid of men because it was men who taught me to fear the extraordinary parts of myself.As per her current author blurb, “Vivek Shraya is an artist whose body of wor...
  • Monika
    This was an incredible essay. In so few pages Vivek Shraya really drives her point home. It's as heart wrenching as it is illuminating. This is essential reading - for everyone.Special thanks to NetGalley for the ARC! I'm Afraid of Men comes out August 28. Please pick up a copy. If you're only buying one book this year, let it be this one.
  • Elisabeth Manley
    Make yourself smaller, invisible, don’t take up too much space, don’t accidentally rub arms with the man next to you on the subway. Don’t make eye contact, or smile, don’t accidentally show an interest that could be seen as “asking for it”, whatever “it” may be. Vivek Shraya speaks to the little things we do every day out of fear, whether we notice we do them or not. She doesn’t only limit this to men, this fear also extends to ...
  • Beth
    I initially picked up this book hoping to see through the eyes of a trans woman and educate myself on what her path might look like. What I discovered was an insight into a very difficult journey but along with that I was challenged in my own perception of gender conformity. It made me think about our roles in society and I found that it gave me a little bit of strength and encouragement to explore my own feelings on the topic. My can of nonconfo...
  • Kiki
    How to describe this book? It's essentially an almanac of whining. Shraya, born into privilege and now a university professor after struggling for many years to achieve fame as a pop star, enumerates the ways in which she's felt oppressed, or even made slightly uncomfortable, by men (and women -- basically everyone) through the years. I was excited for something substantive, but this was insufferable.
  • Jackie
    Some will be afraid of this book and that’s exactly why they - and you - should read it. It makes you think, it makes you nod in agreement and shake your head at the behaviour of some and most importantly forces you to consider yourself.
  • Lisa H
    Honestly, everyone should read this book. Shraya examines how masculinity has effected her life, she was too feminine as a boy, and is not feminine enough as a girl. It brings up tough questions about gender and asks us to reconsider what it means to be a "good" man. How do we make good less nebulous? In what ways does the way we think about gender need to change? This books asks hard questions but they are exactly the discussions we need to be h...
  • Andy Bird
    A slim, 84 pages, hyper personal essay / memoir of being trans, bi, a person of color & what it would mean to be a "Good man". If you're interested in sexuality or gender I would highly recommend It!
  • Liz Laurin
    this book is incredible but I feel the need to consider my review better as a queer white cis woman. I underlined many passages and felt it very deeply.
  • Karina
    I’ll wait to share my favourite quotes until this comes out but wow do I have a few! ILoveGoodEssays
  • Brandon Forsyth
    Vivek Shraya's writing is undeniably important: direct and powerful, a voice that should be heard more widely. It certainly forced me to examine the ways in which my masculinity has been programmed (why don't I own any dress shirts that aren't black, blue, or white?) and may be threatening to those around me (why do I walk so aggressively?). Coupled with Vivek's deeply moving personal story and bravery in talking about some of her deepest relatio...
  • Laura
    Required reading.
  • Kim Trusty
    Clear-eyed and questioning. A concise and emotional. A necessary read.
  • Prakash
    After reading "even this page is white" I never thought I would see my experience as a (gender)queer South Asian person living in Canada so acutely expressed in literature. But "I'm Afraid of Men" has done just that. Vivek Shraya so succinctly and devastatingly recounts how the systemic violence of a forced gender binary robs us of the ability to both be safe and be ourselves. I really hope everyone who has ever cared about me reads this book so ...
  • Critterbee❇
    *e-Arc Netgalley*
  • Krystal Hicks
    This was incredible powerful. Vivek’s honesty was inspiring and also eye opening. Definitely a must read. Thank you to Penguin Randomhouse for the ARC.
  • Rachel Mantas
    As per usual, if it is a book club pick, it is not a book I would normally pick up. I have my own distinct taste for certain books, but I don't always gravitate out of my comfort zone. That's why this book was good for me to read, as normally something under 100 pages seemed insufficient in providing information. Overall, the author takes her time building the facts about her life experiences in many different ways. It tell an incomplete version ...
  • Lara
    *ARC from Penguin Canada*To echo Tegan & Sara, this book is required reading for all!! "Being a girl has required me to retrain myself to think of depending on others or asking for assistance not as weakness or even as pathetic, but rather as a necessity.""What might desire feel like if the construction of sexuality didn't take place in tandem with childhood experiences of violence from men?" "I am soothed by your quiet demeanour, the absence of ...
  • Julia Moreira
    "I’M AFRAID OF MEN because it was men who taught me fear. I’m afraid of men because it was men who taught me to fear the word girl by turning it into a weapon they used to hurt me. I’m afraid of men because it was men who taught me to hate and eventually destroy my femininity. I’m afraid of men because it was men who taught me to fear the extraordinary parts of myself."
  • Cait
    This is an incredible book. Her perspective is one that is entirely different from my own, and I learned a lot while reading this. It’s a quick and short read, but her honesty is humbling, and so brave. To show the world who you truly are is an act of courage, and one that Vivek does with grace. This is a must read for everyone.
  • Ian Ridewood
    A powerful, heartbreaking, and essential essay that's probably impossible not to be read in a single sitting.
  • Joan
    Breathtakingly neurotic, self-absorbed person depicts countless incidents of self-consciousness throughout a life defined entirely by how others perceive her. At the end, one gets absolutely no sense that she's found emancipation or balance from her transition. Depressing and so very self-pitying.
  • Shonah
    Vivek Shraya says so much I’ve wanted to say, as a woman, and taught me so much about the struggles of being a trans woman.This book could be such an eye-opener for men on the fears that women and gender-nonconforming people face. Shraya highlights men’s “entitlement to space” and how seemingly subtle actions (manspreading on public transit) can be anxiety-inducing for women.
  • Jennifer Stansbury
    For such a quick read this book has impact. I understood how she felt but also saw my privilege as a cis woman. Everyone should read this. Not everyone will like it because it will make many people ( especially men) uncomfortable. But, that’s whole point.
  • Colleen
    I want to slip a copy of this book to everyone I know.
  • Lauren
    An open, honest essay that touches on many aspects of gender, sexuality, and the cultural stigmas of masculinity and femininity. Shraya’s unique perspective makes this writing and others like it incredibly important for everyone to read.
  • Sarah
    I wanted to like this book more than I did. I think as a memoir it succeeds, but it has the flavour of a manifesto, and I guess that's where I stumbled with it. In summary--I don't think women or anyone assigned female at birth (AFAB) would find any of her experiences surprising. Distressing, of course, but not surprising. I think any woman or AFAB person has lots of similar experiences. Again, it's memoir and it's hard to questions another perso...
  • Lorraine
    I was amazed at how brief the book was, as an ebook. I was also fascinated reading a trans person’s perspective on gender, not what a man and woman should be. Vivek gives their perspective on a lot of thoughts and feelings that many women have faced and dealt with. It also touched on the ideals of homosexuality and also on how women have been betrayed by other women. Personal space, identity, the threat of femininity is mentioned and it reverbe...
  • Kelly
    Absolutely honest, searingly honest book about first being too feminine as a girl and then too masculine as a boy. This book is by multi-talented Vivek who has written other books (for adults and kids), sings, and has now created a publishing house for young people of colour. The struggle to be yourself while others criticize or denegrate you is real here and Vivek's experience, while different than that of others, is palpable. She talks about ne...
  • Hannah
    "My fear of men is a fuel that both protects my body as a survival instinct, and erodes it, from overuse." I read this in anticipation of Vivek Shraya's book talk that I'm going to at the end of October. She writes with so much honesty which hit me really hard. Though it's a short book, it took a while to read because I kept stopping to think about her words, and how they affected me and forced me to think about the way I perceive certain things....