Why Him? Why Her? by Helen Fisher

Why Him? Why Her?

A groundbreaking book about how your personality type determines who you love Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another? In this fascinating and informative book, Helen Fisher, one of the world’s leading experts on romantic love, unlocks the hidden code of desire and attachment. Each of us, it turns out, primarily expresses one of four broad personality types—Explorer, Builder, Director, or Negotiator—and each of ...

Details Why Him? Why Her?

TitleWhy Him? Why Her?
Release DateJan 20th, 2009
PublisherHenry Holt and Co.
GenrePsychology, Nonfiction, Relationships, Self Help, Science, Love

Reviews Why Him? Why Her?

  • Ben
    So I recently picked-up the audio version of this from the library and though I’ve been listening to it, I didn’t list it as “currently reading”, because, I mean look at the title -- it’s embarrassing: Why Him? Why Her? Finding the Perfect Match. Who wants that shit in their update feed?I didn’t listen to it so I could find my “perfect match” -- but the psychology and biology behind attraction and love interest me. And perhaps to ...
  • Kent
    While "Why Him? Why Her?" is presented and marketed as a discussion of the psychology behind romantic relationships, it excels as an introduction to the brain chemistry which drives personality and friendship. In this respect, it is an engaging read. The book begins with a brief personality test and then introduces the reader to the four primary personality types: Explorer, Builder, Director, and Negotiator. This structure allows the reader to co...
  • Valerie
    This book was one I initially didn't think would be too interesting and informative for me - I've basically had the same romantic partner for 34 years. But because I continue to do research for my show "Brain Chemistry For Lovers", and because I admire Dr. Fisher's work and heard her lecture about this book, I decided to give it a try. Once again she has shifted my perspective of relationships and how they work (or don't) - not just in romantic l...
  • Jennifer Tse
    At first, I found the personality quizzes pretty interesting and entertaining, but she doesn't provide an explanation/solution about what to do with the personality results much. Upon closer examination, her argument is logically flaw. She provides 4 categories of personalities, but I scored some points on all 4. So there are parts of me in every type and it's not linear, just like others are not linear. There is around 306 million people (stated...
  • Andrew
    The data and relationship insight Fisher provides is nothing short of evolutionary. The book is my 'gateway drug' into a hunger for deeper understanding of what makes us all tick, but more importantly, how we synchronize with a partner. The science that backs Fisher's findings avoids the purely feel-good but ultimately hollow and baseless recreational reading that often passes for relationship 'advice.' Not only will you learn about yourself and ...
  • Leslie
    Fantastic! A must for anyone interested in self-understanding and a deeper understanding of those around you, and your relationships. I resonated with her personality categories, now having a more nuanced understanding of the people in my life, past and present, and how our interactions were influenced by our respective types and traits. I experienced a significant gain in insight, which is always quite valuable and so fascinating.
  • Ana Rînceanu
    This was very interesting. I need to read it again.
  • Theresa ♫
    I'm typing this review as a 15-year-old. (A really klutzy, naive, childish, immature 15-year-old. And even though I AM a 15-year-old, I've been mistaken for being 11 within the last week, so I also LOOK childish, too.)Anyway, I've had to deal with crushes and love in the past 3 years and I've made so many huge mistakes, but I think I can say that I do know what love is. (Sort of. A little bit.)First of all, it's kind of interesting how there's a ...
  • Aaron Milavec
    Currently reading Helen Fisher, WHY HIM? WHY HER? (2009). Found her book at the library. I’ve read most of it and I’m identifying myself as an Explorer:You seek adventures of the mind and senses. You are very curious and creative, and you are willing to take some risks to pursue your interests. Adaptable and optimistic, you can be easily bored when you’re not doing something interesting. You have a lot of energy, and you tend to be spontane...
  • Monica Miller
    This book is a total life-changer for me. I learnt a lot of things about my personality type and that it's okay to be in a certain way, and that it's normal. It made me feel a lot better, and I had better understanding on my relationships with my friends and close ones.I can't wait to read more books written by Dr. Fisher.
  • Natali
    I was on Fox News' Red Eye with this author a few weeks ago. I was ready to write her off as a quack pot psychologist, probably because I was quite literally judging the book by the cover. I don't love the title but I did enjoy the book itself. I'm glad I received a copy after the show and even more glad that I picked it up a few nights ago before I fell asleep. Fisher is a highly qualified biological anthropologist. She describes four archetypes...
  • Dimitra-Vanessa Bouna
    Helen Fisher separates people into four personality types based on a dominant chemical in the brain and the character it brings out. We have the dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen systems which correlate to the Explorer, Builder, Director and Negotiator. You take the test and tally up your score which gives you your Primary and Secondary type. PRO of the book: It really sunk in for me that there truly are radically different personali...
  • Aaron
    Why Him? Why Her? has two Why's in it because its alternative title is "Why 2: The Sequel to Why We Love?"Helen Fisher's sequel to Why We Love has all the same characteristics of the original book: an extraordinary amount of cultural references combined with many academic references to psychological and anthropological studies. In my opinion, she is more careful to address issues with transexuals and homosexuals than she was in her first book. Ho...
  • Taka
    It's okay—While Helen Fischer's categorization of people's personalities into four types based on neurotransmitters and hormones is interesting, it ultimately succumbs to simplification, though to her credit she does admit the complexity of personalities by qualifying her statements and presenting other factors influencing your personality. The simplification, however, works sometimes (though I'm not sure if it's just theory-induced blindness c...
  • Philip
    Self-help, desperation title aside, I didn't see this as a read intended to help me find the perfect match. Which is good, because that's not what it's about.I heard Helen Fisher's TED talk and found it very interesting, so I decided to read her book. Being that she is an academic that studies romantic love form an inter-disciplinary angle, I was eager to hear her thoughts.I'd say I walked away from the book with a much stronger understanding of ...
  • Jana
    Oh, I am indeed a Negotiator yet I never end up being with Directors since they intimidate me a bit but somehow we are a perfect match. The paradox is that subconsciously I know that I always need and look for Directors qualities, but somehow I find men which are Negotiators like me.The first link to H. Fisher test is about the current state of your love life, and the second link tests your personality.
  • Kristen
    Loved this book! Dr. Fisher's background in anthropology gives a unique look into personality types due to our chemical makeup and why we pick the people we do to date. She explains how we unconsciously pick "mates" based on natural selection. The theories and research in this book are fascinating and if I decided to Internet date I would be more inclined towards match.com or chemistry.com due to the way she has helped design the matching process...
  • Brooke
    This book was recommended by a friend so I gave it a try. This book gave insightful details about different personality types and what values drive different people to act the way they do. It helped me understand all of my relationship better, not just the romantic ones. I was skeptical about the title, but I'm glad I decided to read it anyway.
  • Matthew
    I loved this book. Must read for anyone who is In a relationship, was in a relationship and want to be in a Relationship.
  • Allison Maguire
    This book felt more like an online Cosmo quiz than a psychological insight.
  • Ilib4kids
    155.264 FIS CD 155.264 FISauthor is the scientific adviser to Chemistry.com, a division of Match.comI write HelenFisherPersonalityType.html to test personality type.Some points that excludes in this book1. p 39 Extroversion vs. Introversion, often ignore in definition of difference: how you get your energy. Extroversion get energy from others. Introvert are oriented inward, become relax and rested and reward when turns to inwards.2. p41 neurotici...
  • Dustin Hartley
    Although at times it seemed like a horoscope or palm reading, I love personality psychology and the science behind it. Fisher uses a lot of famous figures and personal examples in this reader-friendly book on relationships.
  • Busy
    This book was a bit of a slog but inside is a rosetta stone. Honestly I didn't like the writers style. If you're conservative you're going to hate her examples. I'm liberal AND an explorer/negotiator and have watched her TED talks and I still had trouble liking her. Maybe because in classic explorer fashion she didn't like talking about herself enough to make herself seem relatable. Or maybe it's because I'm skeptical about the evolutionary psych...
  • Patricia
    Reading about personality type/human nature is something I find interesting in general terms. It can be as limiting or as freeing as one chooses to use the presented information--if they find it valid enough to use at all. Personally, while I find some validity in personality type, I find that it is not cut and dry. 1 + 1 does not always equal two. That is, while someone can be a negotiator and a builder, the degree of each does not necessarily e...
  • Shaun Marais
    Since Fisher's books aren't published in my country, I had to import it. I really wanted to read one of her books after watching Fisher's Ted Talks. She is an excellent speaker!However, there are some problems with 'Why Him? Why Her'. While I do believe that personality is governed by brain chemicals, I feel that Fisher relies too heavily on her surveys and research in generalising personality traits to dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testoster...
  • Wallace
    Type: {Impress Your Friends Read: notable; prize-winner or all around intelligent crowd conversation piece.}Rating: {Me Likey: Enjoyable! Particularly for fans of this genre.}Why You’re Reading It:- You are curious about the ways that different personalities work- You often wonder why certain people chose each other in relationships- You want to better understand someone who you are in a relationship (family, friend, or romantic)What I Thought:...
  • Andrew
    I really liked this book, and because of that I gave it four stars. But I do want to mention two problems I had with it. (1) It was tremendously heteronormative, and it tended to play on popular heteronormative myths more than most media. (2) It's not altogether clear that the book is truly academic in nature. Though there is a significant bibliography section at the end, there are few footnotes. Worse, it seems that the foundation of the book, t...
  • Frank
    Nothing stunning in the four news personality types of explorer, builder, director and negotiator and she is good in talking about the range within each and the secondary types to avoid falling into four types of people as a result of the work. Working from the quiz that helps the reader find their type and secondary type, the text then tells you more about the matches you make based on the blending on the personalities centered in each of the fo...
  • Michelle
    "Why Him? Why Her?" is such an easy, light-hearted read. The basic premise is this: four basic hormones/neurotransmitters work to produce various aspects of one's personality. Everyone has a combination of these (dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen) but usually we display higher levels of only one or two. From her research, Fisher determined that the variations in these four chemicals result in four basic styles of thinking and behavi...