Unworthy by Anneli Rufus


“Anneli Rufus has an incredible insight into the human condition. Through observation and anecdote, she shows us that no matter what was said or done to us, self-loathing does not have to be our fate. Hers is a strong, sympathetic and encouraging voice.”—Henry Rollins"This book should be required reading for anyone suffering from low self-esteem, and while it will likely cause readers to tear up repeatedly, the empathy and grounded advice i...

Details Unworthy

Release DateMay 15th, 2014
GenreNonfiction, Self Help, Psychology

Reviews Unworthy

  • AJ
    I can't say that I'm terribly impressed with this book. The premise - that people who hate themselves have every reason not to, and how to get there - is sound and certainly a good idea. But how the author gets from A to Z, and what she says in between, didn't always strike me as always being reasonable. Firstly, the studies that are cited are of the flavor that I hate: social science research that isn't really backed up by anything more than a h...
  • Richard M
    Rufus says that self-esteem/hatred exists on a spectrum, that most people like some things and dislike some things about themselves. She's describing, and writing to, those of us on the bottom. I knew she was writing to me when she said that we don't just want to be better-looking, smarter, higher achievers-- we want to be someone else, because we can't stand being who we are. If this doesn't describe you, you don't need this book. I needed this...
  • Christine
    It's crazy how this book really pinpoints the reasons why we loath ourselves. I could identify (sadly) with a majority of this book. It's a self help book that I enjoyed reading and it wasn't full of typical "self help advice"I'll surely be re-reading this again and taking the advice to heart. I recommend this to everyone.
  • Desiree
    The title "Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself" gives you the impression that this book will help you tackle self-loathing and low self-esteem. However, I feel that really wasn't the case. In my hardcover copy of the book there are 264 pages of reading material - excluding the notes portion in the back. Out of 264 pages 154 of them were spent discussing low self-esteem, how it manifests, what it can look like, and other similar information thro...
  • Molly
    This book is not a self-help book, but unfortunately it is marketed that way.It should be considered a memoir because the author cannot seem to stop talking about her own life, family, past and misery. It's a whiny, neurotic, obsessive, and self-indulgent list of perceived slights from her past. I really don't think the author is qualified to help anyone with low self-esteem, as she doesn't show any improvement herself; it's the blind leading the...
  • John
    Although the book got bogged down in places (especially in the frequent references to the author's mother), I'm giving it four stars for the spot-on description of life with chronic low self-esteem.
  • Michael
    Self-loathers unite. While at times this book approaches self-parody (the author's history with her crazy mom is mined endlessly for illustrating and not-at-all amusing anecdotes past the point of exhaustion), there is much to think about here. I asked my significant other to read the section on personality traits associated with low self-esteem because it seemed to describe me so closely. While the book is heavier on discussion and examples of s...
  • LemontreeLime
    When I picked this up to read, I never expected to come up against a mirror held up to a huge portion of my mental life. Anneli Rufus bravely nails just what the experience of self hate is like, when your inner critics go way past all powerful into tyrant stage. As I read, I recognized the neighborhood her mind was hanging out in, down to the street signs and storefronts. And her answer to solving it is constant vigilance, not allowing yourself t...
  • Sara
    No disclaimers about self help: I've had, still have, some bad days.That out of the way, I picked this up because I really enjoyed Rufus's 2004 Loner's Manifesto, a great mix of personal narrative and social history, including an interesting chapter on the sudden spike in invalid women during the early days of the car. Unworthy is more of a rant, sometimes powerful, but like any rant it takes far too much time get to the point, after which it doe...
  • Natalia
    I thought my self-esteem was a little low and heard good reviews about this book... But it's awful to read. The opening chapters make you realize their are people who REALLY HATE themselves; that's not me. It made me uncomfortable to think there are these people ... Well anyway, I put it down after a few pages. Apparently, my self-esteem isn't so bad.
  • Stewart
    Self-loathing is the subject of Anneli Rufus’ 2014 book “Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself.” Her book combines psychological research, stories of people (famous and not famous) suffering from self-loathing, and most importantly, firsthand knowledge. On Page 1, Rufus admits that she suffered from this disorder for 40 years. I don’t know how much of a problem self-loathing is in this country. But when you include related syndromes like...
  • Jlarkin43
    I read it a couple of months ago, and it was very helpful for me. I think maybe a lot of the naysayers don't actually have low self-esteem, but I do. I recognized myself in everyone of the traits she lists, and I could add a few of my own. The one thing about this book that really bothered me, and it's a trend I've been seeing for awhile, is the foul language. It lends an ignorant, crass quality to the writing that I don't want to be subjected to...
  • Nicholle
    Hate is a pretty strong word, and probably not one I'd use in this instance, but we have a longstanding joke in our family that "we're not good enough for self-esteem." This was the first book I've read on the subject, although certainly not the first I've contemplated.This was not a step-by-step self help book, but almost a stream-of-conscience discussion of what it's like to have low or no self-esteem. The "personality flaws" she describes are ...
  • Melody
    I don't say this about a lot of books, but this one has changed my life. I'm not exaggerating. I have low self-esteem and the techniques she laid-out in this book were exactly what I needed to recognize and begin to get rid of my problems. The ending is also hopeful and ends on a supportive note. Does it become a little tedious when she's talking about her tragic past and her bad parents? Yes, however I jumped ahead whenever the 'woe is me' becam...
  • Brian
    This was a very brave book insofar as she discussed her mother and her own immense troubles with self-hatred. She did not take a pandering tone or tried to be a world-weary saint. However (bet you saw that coming) she did not have an answer to the incontrovertible evidence that one's self-loathing is beyond justified. I don't know if there is an adequate response to that but if you're wedded to the justification of your self-loathing you won't be...
  • Alex
    For me just reading about what the author went through in her life sent me on to an amazing adventure into self compassion. I didn't even get more than 75% of the book before I began to have healthy self love or compassion. The two techniques I employed without even getting to that part of the book was to spend time in places where you love yourself and to treat your own life story from a place of compassion. This book along with the quotes I fou...
  • Jenn
    Obviously, I read this book for a reason. I have had self-esteem and self-loathing issues since my pre-teen years. But I can truly say that this book put into words what I couldn't come to terms with - both the reasons behind it and how to start on the path towards recovery. I'm not completely fixed, but it's at least opened my eyes to things that I need to do start on my journey towards self-acceptance. Definitely recommended for others who have...
  • cherBear
    this author was, in the name of the fugees (lol) .... "killing me softly with her words. telling my whole life with her words:=."my eyes were already open to my flaws and habits... but for her to roll them into ONE by showing how they correlate with each other and fuel one another. she helped me make sense of it all. Still working on myself... but that's on me not her. very good read for more information or how to sort your thoughts in order.
  • Erin
    The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. —BERTRAND RUSSELLI've been reading several books of low self-esteem, but this is the only one that has been written by someone who truly understands what it is to loathe yourself. Author Anneli Rufus has struggled with this all her life. But it's not just the feeling of being understood that makes this book tops. ...
  • Irene Allison
    I was prompted to read this book after finishing Alice Millar's extraordinary, "The Drama of the Gifted Child", and Anneli Rufus' own impactful, "Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto". After the latter, I was convinced that Rufus would surely have something to say on this topic of "damaged" childhood selves that continue to haunt adult lives. And I wasn't disappointed. "Unworthy" is both infuriating and fascinating as the author skewers society's ...
  • Long
    I read this book hoping it would teach me to stop hating myself. It did not. I could not relate at all the the author's descriptions of self-loathing people.My biggest complaint is that the book suffers from a bit of an identity crisis. Sometimes it's a memoir combined with a stream-of-consciousness journal. Sometimes it's a pseudo-philosophical motivational speech peppered with references to psychological studies.Lastly, I found the author's equ...
  • Cody
    This was a great book for people who hate themselves. It touched on some stuff I struggled with in the past and some stuff I still struggle with now. It's a good crowbar for prying you off the idea that hating yourself is just a part of being human or your specific lot in life. It is not a typical "how-to" book, there are no platitudes to sure-fire success, only little nudges here and there to remind you that self-loathing is in your head. Your c...
  • Mrs. Nesbitt
    This book was a surprise for me, as I didn't expect to like it. There were times when I was frustrated and felt annoyed with the writer for going on and on about hating herself. The irony wasn't lost on me and I wonder if I've ever frustrated others with my self-loathing. I did take notes to review later and will add it to my "purchase used copy" list. It was eye opening and enlightening, not to mention gut wrenching at times.
  • Emily Davies
    I need this. I have to keep thinking about it and try to internalise it. I have suffered by myself, because of myself, for too long not to try to feel better.I like that she shows us herself, her own loathing. I like that it's not filled with dumb platitudes that anyone can say without meaning them. I like that she's not some miraculous bundle of joy who screams into the sky that she loves herself - she is merely approaching the middle, and that ...
  • Literary George (For Your Literary Pleasure Blog)
    What made this book only three stars is that it agonizes many points it's already made. The first two thirds seem to be saying the same thing differently and it became tedious to read. Not only that, I picked up the book to find some tips or helpful perspective not to wallow in things I already know and do not need explained over and over. The last third was good and could've been expanded more to be better. If the point was to help people stop t...
  • Austin Rose
    I've been working on becoming my own best friend and treating myself with much more love and respect, but this book was not written for me at all. I might've guessed from the title ;) but it's very tailored toward people with deep self-hatred. I was able to get a few tips on how to be nicer to myself and it was both interesting and quite sad to read some of the stories featured. Definitely worth the read if you're struggling with self-hate; other...
  • Crystal Reaume
    I regretfully finished this.When I picked it up, I thought, this might be a good book for someone who has low self esteem but basically this book is for people who really, truly hate themselves which I do not.I kept reading, hoping it would get better. It did not.It really just made me feel depressed.
  • Seema Rao
    While the structure of the book is sound, and the premise that self-esteem can be systematically improved, the text is basically a thin filigree of the author’s over text to embellish a crochet doiley of quotes.
  • deanne belshe
    Can’t say I enjoyed it, and the first chapter is insanely long, but I am glad I read it and would recommend it for anyone who struggles with negative self perceptions.
  • Maya
    I liked this book a lot. It was hard to get through as it was so personal and seemed to point out and drag out everything one who hates themselves does but definitely helpful and worth the read.