I Am Not Ashamed by Barbara Payton

I Am Not Ashamed

One of the great "lost" autobiographies of Hollywood Babylon history, I Am Not Ashamed is the memoir of Barbara Payton, the 1950s film noir star who acted alongside greats like Jimmy Cagney and Gregory Peck - only to be fired by the studios for her wild (and very public) love-life... and ultimately walk the streets of Hollywood as an alcoholic prostitute. But, as she says throughout, she is not ashamed of her life. She achieved rare success in th...

Details I Am Not Ashamed

TitleI Am Not Ashamed
Release DateFeb 1st, 2008
PublisherHolloway House
GenreNonfiction, Autobiography, Memoir, Culture, Film, Biography, Media Tie In, Movies, Adult

Reviews I Am Not Ashamed

  • Matthew Wilder
    Like a terrifying existential nihilist novel written by an evil, slow nine-year-old.
  • flannery
    "Talking about things I don't want to talk about..."I thought the afterward of this book was pretty cold, considering Barbara Payton had a really good attitude even when she hit rock bottom!
  • Jos M
    'Forever is just a weekend, more or less.'I wanted to read this having heard the tragic story of Barbara Payton in Katrina Longworth's You Must Remember This podcast, and in Megan Abbot's The Song is You, and in a lot of ways it is the classic Hollywood ur-story, young beautiful blonde starlet arrives in town, is seduced and used by the studio machine and then is thrown aside. Memoirs are tricky things generally, there is a gulf between what happ...
  • Laurie Hoppe
    A Goodreader named Matthew Wilder said this was, "Like a terrifying existential nihilist novel written by an evil, slow nine-year-old." Clever of Mr. Wilder, and so true!I didn't *enjoy* this book. It's a slide into tawdry and crazy with no happy moments and an inevitable, miserable end. And yet, there are moments that are so authentic* they take your breath away. Like Chapter 14. Barbara Payton recounts how she realized her career was on the ski...
  • Maryam
  • Andrea Lukic
    One of the best books I ever read. Poignant. For fans of Hollywood Babylon and the Black Dahlia.
  • Claire Newton
  • Allie Pisarro-grant
    Gossipy pleasure!
  • Ramsey Knighton
    Enthralling, I couldn’t put it down!
  • RachelHeath123aol.Com
    Poor Barbara Payton was "out of it" when she collaborated with Leo Guild on this book. The title should be seen ironically as she appears not only ashamed but terribly confused about how her life turned out. It is to some extent worthwhile for a glimpse into the life and mind of this doomed actress but, despite the early claims, much of the information is just plain wrong. John O'Dowd's well-researched "Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye" is a FAR better and ...
  • George Tsalamandris
    The book is titled 'I am not ashamed' and the obvious question is 'why the hell not?'Though written by a ghost writer the story is so honest and heartfelt it is doubtful that Barbara could have written it down any better.Like all biographies the reader can't help but try and work out what could or should have been done better in that person's life. In Barbara's case the reader could write a list as long as an arm. How could someone from so high h...
  • Ruth Shaw
    I can’t remember the last time I was able to sit and devour an entire book in a day but today was one of those perfect moments when I did. I didn’t know about Barbara Payton before I picked up this book in NY; my initial attraction to it was the title ‘I Am Not Ashamed’ which, almost profoundly, resonated with me. It is one of the most heart-wrenching stories I have ever read, saddened even more deeply by the fact that it’s true. She is...
  • Francesca
    Sped through this Hollywood Babylonia. Ghost writer Leo Guild describes Payton's ultimately depressing and tragic life with such campy relish that he makes it really entertaining and funny. Learning more details about her life gave me more compassion for her. Guild describes some formative moments in Payton's childhood when she first learned to provide favors to boys, and later men, which helped me understand how she got into prostitution. Still ...
  • Luann
    Fascinating but somewhat icky view of old Hollywood and this woman's life. She gives a very subjective view of her odd rein as movie queen and her downfall. Still, it's an interesting perspective but you just feel sort of like taking a shower afterward. It makes you wonder if all of your favorite actors and actresses from that period were perverts and slimeballs.Anyway, it's somewhat interesting and although she is not ashamed, maybe she should h...
  • Liz
    Oh my goodness, this book is bananas. I first heard of Payton through You Must Remember This (www.youmustrememberthispodcast.com/ep...), which is a good companion piece to the book. This is a juicy sort of Hollywood Babylon book, both sad and fascinating.
  • Joel Manuel
    I don't know how much of this is true, but it's a damn good read. I'd only known of Payton from "Bride of the Gorilla" and "Four-Sided Triangle." I wish I knew the real identities of some of the celebs she gave pseudonyms to in the book.
  • Rain
    This book is a mess, but then again, so was Barbara Payton, so it's fitting that it comes off as the ramblings of a drunk you might meet at a dive bar, skipping ahead and falling back in time and starting a new story before ending a previous one, all while swaying precariously on their bar stool.
  • Moe
    This was one of the most enjoyable books I've ever read about 90% of the way through, then it became one of the most heartbreaking.
  • James
    Of all the books written by Whores that I have read this is the only one I can reccomend. I was honestly shocked by some of Ms. Payton's confessions.
  • Lisa deGraffenried
    Really interesting story!
  • Matthew Knott
    Superb. A raw, funny, gossipy, tragic tale of fame, sex and poverty.
  • *lindsey*
    I loved this book! Even in Barbara's darkest times she seems to have an optimistic view of her life and the future.
  • Richie
    Not a very enjoyable book. Unlike Lillian Roth’s I’ll Cry Tomorrow, there is no redemptive ending. I hate to say she had it coming, but she spent her life doing evil deeds, intentionally trying to hurt those around her. A sad, sick story.
  • Tosh
    "I Am Not Ashamed" is superb. Movie siren, Barbara Payton's memoir, is incredible on many levels. It's the iconic rise and fall of a Hollywood actress who slept to the top and back to the bottom. A remarkable story in itself, but what makes this book fantastic is Payton's character. I find her utterly likable. This is a classic told to a reporter narrative, and what is unique is her ability to tell her tale without regret or moralistic touches. S...