Fed Up by Gemma Hartley

Fed Up

From Gemma Hartley, the journalist who ignited a national conversation on emotional labor, comes Fed Up, a bold dive into the unpaid, invisible work women have shouldered for too long—and an impassioned vision for creating a better future for us all.Day in, day out, women anticipate and manage the needs of others. In relationships, we initiate the hard conversations. At home, we shoulder the mental load required to keep our households running. ...

Details Fed Up

TitleFed Up
Release DateNov 13th, 2018
GenreNonfiction, Feminism, Sociology, Politics, Womens, Self Help

Reviews Fed Up

  • Emily May
    2 stars.When I first saw the main title of this book - those two words "Fed Up" - before I even knew what the book was about, I thought of my mum. I pictured her juggling the wants and needs of three kids after a day of work, arms full of laundry that she would load into the machine in between making us dinner. I remembered distinctly the way she sometimes would find a rare moment to sit down and say with a tired sigh: "I'm fed up." Fed Up is for...
  • Jennifer
    "My husband does a lot. He helps me out with the housework, he takes care of our children if I will be out, he will do anything I ask him to. Personally, I think I'm pretty lucky." In response to praise such as this, author Gemma Hartley asks, “Does he do a lot compared to other men or does he do a lot compared to you?” Emotional labor is the invisible job handed down to women of every generation to make sure the days run smoothly, the househ...
  • Kelly
    Cathartic af, you guys. To be honest, you can probably get the point and a measure of the release you might need on this topic from reading the Longreads article the author wrote (which is essentially most of Chapter Three of this book), but man if you wanted more like I did, this book is here to deliver the “and another thing...!” you need. It also dives into underdiscussed groups that don’t get enough voice on this (women of color, stay a...
  • Amanda
    I was expecting a more researched book given what a fascinating and dense topic this is. I understand why the author would've wanted to insert her personal experience at times, but she did so to such an extent that the end result felt closer to a memoir. Ultimately, 'Fed Up' left me with more questions than answers.
  • Alison Terpstra
    Man this book sucked. I was so ready as this is a very important topic within feminism but she quoted Sheryl Sandberg in the opening chapter and I rolled my eyes. Really? I just feel more research was needed into this - it was all very personal and poorly supported when there is great information about this topic out there! The conversations around REAL emotional labour are actually much more in depth than this book provided. She seems like a fir...
  • Morgan Henley
    Oof. Stretching an essay that went viral to an entire book was a bit too ambitious for this one. I felt half of the book was just repeating itself (we get it, dads/husbands don’t clean or take care of kids as much as women do, no need to spell out every example) and the anecdotes got repetitive and not very insightful. I barely got through the 250 pages of this one. The point she makes is very important and the mission was noble but I wish it h...
  • joni edelman
    Necessary. I’d like to see this be required feminist reading. Gemma tackles The hard stuff here with insight and intellect. Next step: CHANGE.
  • Cristine Mermaid
    I was excited to read this book because the blog post that had led to this book being written resonated so strongly with me. I read it in a day and was not disappointed. It's not a long book but there is so much in here that matters that I'm going to take it chapter by chapter after my overview. Overall, it's about women doing the vast majority of the "emotional labor" "Invisible work" "mental labor", for the purposes of this book, we will call i...
  • Andrew Molitor
    Let me start out by saying that Hartley ain't wrong.Secondly, my credentials. I am a stay at home dad, I do much of the schedules, maintaining shopping lists, remembering to set up the kiddos' doctor's appointments, then setting them up, then taking the kids to them, and so on. I do the stuff Hartley is talking about. It's not easy. I don't do 100% of it, but let's get to that in a moment.The biggest gap in Hartley's book is this: while she chara...
  • Gwendolyn B.
    I tip my Portland Trailblazers cap to Hartley for opening a much needed cultural conversation about an unjust but invisible division of labor between the sexes. Combining research and interviews with courageously personal self-disclosures about her own marriage, she walks us through the many facets of "emotional labor," which she defines as "the unpaid, invisible work we do to keep those around us comfortable and happy."It is at this point, howev...
  • Rhiannon Johnson
    Read my full review on my blog here: https://ivoryowlreviews.blogspot.com/...I remember talking to girlfriends when "The Break-Up" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn came out. We were discussing the scene where Aniston asks her man-child boyfriend Vaughn to help her do the dishes after they have hosted a dinner party (that she cooked and decorated for--but hey he got her 3 lemons!) When Aniston says that she wants him to want to do the dishes...
  • Emmkay
    It’s been a long time since I haven’t finished a book. This one was a shame - I was really interested in the topic of women’s emotional labour, but thought the author had real problems expanding an article she wrote for Harper’s Bazaar into a book. There’s some interesting information on a surface level, but it’s very repetitive, an uneasy blend of would-be social commentary and analysis with a more self-help tone. And - So. Much. Abo...
  • Rebekah
    Emotional labor! That old chestnut! This is of the genre I call "Do you like to be mad." This is very much a "do you like to be mad" book and yes, I DO like to be mad! There's an extreme occurrence of emotional labor on my personal zeitgeist right now--it's here, it's in half the episodes of Tidying Up, it's in my day to day existence, that of my friends, the world at large. Gemma Hartley does a good job articulating the WHY at the root of so man...
  • Feisty Harriet
    The ideas and content behind Hartley's largest argument--women do the vast majority of emotional labor for their families--is solid. The research is, perhaps, a little one-sided, although I appreciate that in the last half of the book she talks a little about LGBTQ couples and the enormous load of emotional labor taken up by women of color. However, somewhere in the middle the thought that kept coming to my mind was "this is a little too much Gre...
  • Maggie
    This is a thought-provoking book on the unseen emotional labor of women, how society has shaped both men and women's acceptance of this role, and what we can do about it. While well-researched it's also not a slog, and I read it in big gulps.
  • Jessica
    It's hard to overstate how valuable I found this book. It's as if Hartley has taken everything I've struggled to articulate about what goes on in my head on a daily basis and laid it all out, not just explaining what it feels like to carry the mental and emotional load in a marriage, but also figuring out how we got here and what we can do about it. It's an odd but welcome feeling to have the patterns of your own marital conversations spelled out...
  • Debie
    People think I'm weird when I say the only good sleep I get is when I'm hospitalized. They don't get it. This author gets it though - that blissful moment when one is officially "off duty" - a moment that seemingly never comes unless under dire circumstances. Only recently have I begun to - finally - acknowledge and recognize the huge burden of emotional labor in my life. It does begin early, and for me, kicked totally into gear when I married a ...
  • Jennifer
    Worth listening to via audio. The narrator, Therese Plummer, did an amazing job and doesn't sound at all like she's reading nonfiction. They made a great choice. I liked that Hartley referenced another book I read this year called Drop the Ball by Tiffany Dufu. I thought this was great because it shows the author wasn't writing this in a vacuum and builds upon other works on this topic. Overall, a good intro to the topic of emotional labor if thi...
  • Amanda Misiti
    By the end, I was exhausted by the topic of emotional labor. Some good insights but I’d recommend sticking to her Harpers Bazaar article. I haven’t read it but felt like this was too long for the topic.
  • Theresa Smith
    “We may think that our micromanagement is an act of love, and it often is, but it also robs those we love of the opportunity to step fully into responsibility for their own lives. They need to create their own systems, their own connections, their own priorities instead of wandering through a life that has been created around them.”I will freely admit that I shoulder the majority of the emotional labour within our household. However, it needs...
  • Alissa Carey
    Full disclosure: I quit reading about 65 pages into the book. I have no intention of finishing. I'm a chronic book-finisher, even when it isn't exactly a really good book, so the fact that I quit without caring says a lot.The book seems to be marketed as something thought-provoking and potentially research-based around the roles of women. I expected research. I expected evidence. I expected discussion of culture and attitude maybe some discourse ...
  • Caitlin Kunkel
    This is an essential, modern, necessary book that uses excellent reporting and the author's own personal story to pull on the threads of emotional labor and why it's such a key element of modern households and work environments. Really appreciated this read and have gifted to several people already (some very passive-aggressively!!!).
  • Mel
    Can't decide if this was more enlightening or enraging (or if that matters). I especially enjoyed how Hartley focused in places on her own relationship and how important it is for both partners to work towards balancing the brunt of emotional labor because even when one might be doing more, it might be because they've spent years belittling the efforts of the other. Meeting in the middle and respecting each other's strengths (and weaknesses) is s...
  • Ang
    This packs a punch. It's a really PERSONAL book, which was fascinating, because it's also a really universal book. It's also super practical towards the end; I think I have a better idea of how to broach the subject of emotional labor with my partner, which feels really refreshing. If Hartley's original essay was the distress call, this book is her follow-up, her answering rescue. I'm super glad I read it, and I really highly recommend it for het...
  • Elisabeth Britton
    This is everything I have ever thought about the upside down world of women and our lives in the home and in the work place. It was so nice to have my thoughts put so eloquently into words and made me feel so good that I am not crazy and many others feel just as I do. Thank you so very much Gemma!
  • Logan Hughes
    Did not finish, not because it was bad, but just because I ran out of steam (and then out of time on the library loan.) I found this author's popular article on emotional labor to be a very useful and cathartic description of the problem: there is a whole bunch of mentally taxing invisible labor that falls disproportionately on women (especially in man/woman couples). It's unfair, it's unappreciated, but it's necessary, and even trying to describ...
  • Molly Ferguson
    I borrowed this book from the library, but after reading it I'm going to buy a copy for myself and for most of the women I know. Hartley explains the concept of emotional labor so clearly, with excellent examples and sentences I kept wanting to read aloud as I nodded my head. She did some solid research and did a great job of being intersectional with her feminist analysis of how emotional labor affects different kinds of women. I did have a few ...
  • Crystal Zavala
    I listened to the audio of this book and let me say that Therese Plummer is a phenomenal narrator. As a person who has heard of the term "emotional labor", but hasn't done an extensive amount of research on the topic, this book was perfect for me. This is a topic that I understand and feel deeply.I see other reviews where a major complaint is that this book is too much memoir and not enough research, but I found it to be a perfect balance. I don'...
  • Jo-Ann Duff (Duffy The Writer)
    Fed Up. Why do women subconsciously take on the emotional labour of the home? Is it years of deep-seatedpatriarchy? Or do we chose to be in control?In 2017 Gemma Hartley wrote an article in Harper's Bazaar which quickly went viral. 'Women Aren't Nags - We're Just Fed Up' was all about emotional labour, which was a new term for me to hear. It's basically all the unpaid, unnoticed work completed by women to keep the home running smoothly and everyo...
  • Nikki
    Eh, it's okay. It's frustratingly heterosexual and focuses far more on the dynamics within a relationship between a man and a woman ( which makes sense given the scope I suppose...). However it does show an inadequate analysis of same sex couples and doesn't move beyond acknowledging that they/we also have difficulty dividing emotional labor- but supposedly find it easier than heterosexual couples due to the lack of gender roles. It fails to ackn...