Archelon Ranch by Garrett Cook

Archelon Ranch

Je ne suis pas un chapeau. Je suis un homme... In an overgrown, primeval, jungle-city state, Bernard is a test subject for science experiments. His father and Professor Sagramour have been injecting him with hallucinogenic mud and reality affirming drugs so that one day man will be immune to the insanity inducing, zombifying sentient green mud that is choking the suburbs. But Bernard is beginning to display side effects. Experiencing greater and ...

Details Archelon Ranch

TitleArchelon Ranch
Release DateOct 1st, 2009
PublisherLegumeMan Books
GenreHorror, Bizarro Fiction, Fantasy

Reviews Archelon Ranch

  • Christy Stewart
    This book is one of those things that has me fondly reminiscing. Not that it is intentional by the author, or that any other reader will experience the same thing.One thing in specific that I was reminiscing about (in the blood-in-your-feces-tonight kind of way) was grade school lessons of what a story should and should not be, and the many times I was corrected on the fact I didn't get it. This book is like a drama of those textbook rules person...
  • Bradley
    This is an unreal/irreal, everything but the kitchen sink type of book. It is more successful than other everything but the kitchen sink type books because the writing is strong. I really wish I had been able to afford the print version rather than e-book because the writing was a little too rich to be read on screen. Everything but the kitchen sink-type books are often written by first time novelists, but I assume Garrett Cook at least wrote the...
  • Matthew Vaughn
    This book took me by surprise. This is another one I got without any prior knowledge of any of its content. Starting into it that first chapter struck me as really strange. Now I like weird stories, and so far I haven’t found anything that I thought was just too much, but with this I found myself questioning whether I may have finally found it. But I read on, and I’m so glad I did. Once I got into the second chapter everything changed, I was ...
  • Kathryn
    As far as bizarro fiction is concerned, this is one of my favorites and before I go further, I really can not recommend this enough for fans of the genre or for fans of any type of uber weirdness. And there is an overabundance of weirdness in this book, all of which is (mostly) explained and does contribute towards the story. I dislike bizarro that is strange for no reason other than to shock the reader but that is probably my personal problem as...
  • Rodney
    I am not a hat. I am a man. I am not a hat. I am a man. The paradise that is Archelon Ranch calls me. Objectivity is a gift and a curse. Plot preserve, the significance of authorial intent and narrativism. I frolic with the Gilawalrus and cardboard phallic symbols which spring from the earth. "You've been through so much. I am sorry Bernard." A fit of simultaneous purpose and aimlessness will bring the freedom that would paralyze a lesser being, ...
  • David Barbee
    Archelon Ranch is very good metafiction with a bizarro sense of style. I’m usually wary of metafiction. To me it usually comes off as gimmicky and self-important. But of course there are good meta stories out there, and Archelon Ranch is one of those stories. It’s set in a gigantic dystopian city of violent authority, hyper-consumerism, and dinosaurs. Society is bound by the Narrative, which is almost like a religious philosophy. People in th...
  • Kyle Muntz
    Archelon Ranch is a sophisticated, epicly fucked up integration of bizarro and metafiction, complete with unnecessary violence, sentient hats, and lots of dinosaurs. For the most, it's funny as often as it is profound, and there were times it reminded me of a more subdued Joyce or Barth, just as often as it reminded me of Carlton Mellick. This is maybe the most self-referential novel I've read. Not only did it comment on itself constantly, it eve...
  • John Kulm
    This was the first book I've read connected with the "Bizarro Fiction” genre. It was, as I’d been warned, weird, concise, experimental, and a little self-indulgent in a positive way. The book was also very archetypal as if the author was digging around inside himself and sharing something very personal disguised in strange characters and encounters. The book takes genetic engineering and global warming to an extreme to foretell of a strange f...
  • Trent Zelazny
    To me this was an existentialist's dream without the arrogant reputation that usually comes with such a word. This book is bizarre and totally imaginative, but Cook isn't just being bizarre or imaginative. In this tale it is natural, and everything with the world he has created makes perfect sense. There's great humor here, as well as quite a bit one might call unsettling. For me it was a thinker, and a damned entertaining one at that. I hope to ...
  • Donald Armfield
    First off I want to thank the author Garrett Cook, for giving me this free ebook THANK YOU!Garrett's style in this short story is different. He puts his self in the book, but main character (Bernard) bad mouths him amd smights him. This is an execellent read. Garrett stirs your brain up with his words of bizarro. Do yourself a favor and take the trip with Bernard, Rev. and his friend chuck to find out where Archelon Ranch is in this world created...
  • David Agranoff
    This is a weird book, but you knew that going in right? It's a bizarro novel by Garrett Cook who won the first ever bizarro showdown at the first bizarrocon so I knew it would be weird. In a way I would say this novel is a mix of dark city and Adaptation. Bernard the main character is being used in an experiment, the world seems to be trying to convince him that he is a hat. Sometimes other objects, all the while he is being shot with hallucinoge...
  • Nick Cato
    Barnard's father and a slightly off-balanced Professor have been injecting him with a strange mud-substance in the hopes of everyone (one day) being able to go unaffected by the effects of the mud(?!). Hoping to find the paradise of the title Ranch, our protagonist(s) go off into the mysterious suburbs---and this is just the beginning of one of the strangest bizarro tales I've read yet.But this is not just weird for weirdness' sake; Cook's story ...
  • Anthony Chavez
    This book does not give you a break, its all go, and crazy and wild beyond all bizarro I have read previously. Cook not only wrote a novella that is wordy, smart, and constantly keeping me on my toes paying attention, but he put himself in the book, which kinda makes sense since he is the author and plays the author in the book.I never thought I would read a book with actual characters trying to figure out who the protagonist is and who the antag...
  • J.W. Wargo
    When I began reading the first chapter, I didn't think it was going to be a very good book.I was wrong.This is perhaps one of the strongest Bizarro books I've ever read. The characters and the world are impressively detailed for a short novel. The language is personal, it reads almost like a diary, but it stays believable even in the most fantastic of situations presented in the story.As a metafiction novel, it never slows or gets bogged down in ...
  • Chris
    This is a book unlike any I've read before. The stated protagonist, Bernard, must find his way to Archelon Ranch while at the same time avoid the pitfalls of objectivity. After he is given various injections, administered by his father, brother, and doctor, Bernard becomes transformed into everything from a hat to a tyrannosaurus, and gains that point of view. Throughout the book, Clyde (his brother), the priest of the Narrativists, and others, m...
  • Brian
    I started reading this around hour 10 of a 14 hour flight, my brain couldn't handle it. But I started it again and really dug it.
  • Ginnetta
    An unreasonable gripping book. I learned why some people want to slit their wrists and become anything but human.
  • Edmund Colell
    Between Bernard, who views his participation as destiny, and Clyde, whose participation is to claim the spoils of Bernard’s destiny, Garrett Cook’s Archelon Ranch is one of the few (if there are any other) books that really did need the two foreshadowing columns on its back in order to accompany its protagonists. That’s not to say that either character likes being in this book, nor that they don’t question their positions therein. That al...
  • Jess Gulbranson
    Just finished "Archelon Ranch." Maybe I should wait and let my impressions settle- but no, that would do the book a disservice. All the pertinent details are covered in other reviews and the official descriptions, so it's likely you know what it's about, but here are my impressions. First off, the IRL layer has this book being written and published in the same circumstances as my own forthcoming book, so I immediately felt that resonance. This is...
  • Steven Rage
    Plot Preserve!, February 21, 2010 By Steven Rage "You Morbid Westphal" (Evil Nerd Empire)What happens to an author's characters when their services are no longer required? Will they accept their increasingly anemic demise? Or will they break out and attempt to be something more? This is the premise (at least my interpretation) of Bizarro Beef Cake Garrett Cooks's Archelon Ranch. The story is told from Clyde's POV. Which is interesting being that ...
  • Karl Fischer
    Reading Archelon Ranch is a lot like drinking a pricey bomber of ale. It presents a wide package of flavors, by turns subtle and complex, all of which create a damn good brew, but not something you'd have at every occasion. The book operates on two fronts, the first being a pulpy world of biotechnology gone wrong and the second being a meta-narrative of spiritual significance. In this manner, the narration is split between the "official" protagon...
  • Jason
    There are elements of this that completely connected with me, then those same elements kind of worked against me as well. It took me longer than usual to read this, I never quite got sucked in. I am aware that this isn't written to be like most books, as much as it pains me to admit, maybe I just didn't get it. It kind of reminded me of a Brandon Graham comic, like King City in that I delighted in the absurdity but also wrestled with it. Still th...
  • Katie
    Fantastic. Meta fiction is tricky. It's weird and can go wrong in a lot of ways. This was so right on. It was smart, entertaining, funny and moving at times. Also I love an author who knows the perfect length for a story. I can't say enough good things and don't really have any bad ones so.....Go read it!
  • Alexis
    the premise and beginning/middle were great, the ending was a little too look! it's metafiction, no really, hey i'm the author! and i'm here, wow, isn't this amazing and edgy! Oh, and I sacrificed telling an interesting story to make my appearance.